I have been on the fence. I have been up in the air.
Hemming, hawing over evening plans.
Torn over whether to attend this happy hour, that happy hour, or the happy “ugh I wishhh! can’t tonight!” I’m all outta faith, this is how I feel…
Hesitant in the Partiful.
Non-committal in the groupchats.
Biding my time with a “we still on for later?” and playing waiting games on commutes.
Nights these days feel booked**
**spoken for until something easier, closer, or more guaranteed presents itself in my notifications.
I’ve gotten so good at keeping my options open that we’ve forgotten what it feels like to be somewhere - and nowhere else. I want to propose a simple, delicious, 13,000 year-old solution.
A bottle of wine.
Walk into a bar and ask any tipsy anthropologist - wine has been part of the social infrastructure for bonding since the ancient Greeks established the “symposium” (a gathering centered around food, wine, philosophy, music and piping hot tea).
But not just wine! A bottle!
Our by-the-glass problem.
After a New York Summer (getting angry and sweaty and then going to Europe), I’m très convinced that it’s an American thing to be bottle-averse.
A glass of wine is our $15ish exit strategy. We are a by-the-glass culture: open-to-better, efficient, hedging, optimized for individual preference and a clean exit.
The Greeks, French, Spanish, Italians, Portuguese, Georgians, etc understand that a bottle doesn’t require an occasion because it is the occasion! A bottle of wine is a Tuesday happy hour thing, a first date thing, a we-just-met-at-this-dog’s-birthday-thing-and-now-we’re-all-at-the-bar thing!
A bottle on the table is an ancient and universal signal: we are here, together, and nowhere else. We are not here to check a social hang off the to-do list, we’re here to build relationships at the bar seats! Chit chat ideas around the crowded bistro table! Make community around the fake candles on an outdoor picnic bench!
The by-the-glass list is what the restaurant needs to move. The bottle list is where the good stuff lives. More range, more interesting producers, more options at every price point - and crucially: opened just for your special little self. You chose it, which means you actually had to think about what you wanted for once, which means you might order something with a little personality instead of defaulting to whatever opened Pinot Greeej has been slowly oxidizing in the fridge since Tuesday.
Socially speaking…
Ordering a bottle for the table is like sharing a few ballsy signature entrées (anyone down to order the rabbit?) instead of ordering the known small plates and bread. You split the price and still get to taste the best expression of that restaurant.
Ordering a glass of wine is like throwing down an hourglass right there on the table. Sip, sip, slipping away. Everyone watching the glass empty until “I should probably head out.” Let’s have conversations and glasses without end. Let’s drink from the communal promise of shared time and refill little by little, then stash the bottle into the ice bucket until the next pour.
Financially $peaking…
Not sold? You cheeky American and your financial management, god love ya! Here’s an economic breakdown: the by-the-glass price is roughly what the restaurant paid wholesale, per pour. A standard bottle is five glasses. But the bottle, total, is marked up two to three times wholesale in most places, and in New York? You’re lookin’ at four.
When a bottle makes sense for 2 people.
When you want to get down to “it” and “it” may be...
“Sooo you’re being weird! “You and the friend who had the baby, has been M.I.A. for seven months, and showed up tonight in booty shorts.
“Can I say something so fucking true right now?” - You and the sweet friend who just got dumped by the guy who just regurgitates information from an alarming man-podcast and you have to be supportive about it for at least one glass before you say that you always hated him and he does look like Nicolas Cage on Ozempic and it’s weird that he’s in so many run clubs and bird watching groups.
“Tell me what happened and don’t leave anything out.” - You and the chaotic friend who is living with an open couple who commented on your IG story in March”we need to catch up, I have SO much to tell you” And she included a kiss emoji??
“Are you hot or just fun?” You and the person you’ve been texting every day for months are sitting across from the real other person. Is this a friendship? You and a new friend who is very funny on Substack but who can be sure.
“Is this going somewhere?” You and a third date and you need to decide if you’re going to invite them to your friend’s wedding or not.
“Lets not be in our apartment.” - You and your partner on a Tuesday because you’ve been in the same 800 square feet for four days and need to visually rest your eyes on something else.
“Are we gonna talk about something other than the weather and my car? “You and your dad are out for a rare drink.
When a bottle makes sense for 3 people.
Apply the triangulation geometry.
“Shouldn’t we be friends?” You, your friend from college, and her coworker who was only supposed to “stop by for a lil sip” and now you’re sharing childhood fears, municipal politics, and booking tickets and ordering bald caps for a Pitbull concert.
“I’m not evolved enough for therapy, you are my support group.” Two down besties.
This is the closest you get to networking. These are the collaborator friends where, by the second glass, we’re opening the Notes app and staring a new business together.
And who the fuck invited this one? Your best friend brought someone from kickball.
Let’s unpack - Three friends (coworkers even) unpack a truly baffling text message / email / meeting.
“The food is supposed to be good here!” and a bottle could enhance the experience.
When a bottle makes sense for 4 people.
Odds are, yes.
“Can someone catch me up?” - Two people arrived early, two arrived late.
Somebody ordered fries.
The cocktails are predictable and the martini is $26.
It is summer.
It is winter.
It is unseasonably warm / cold.
SO PICK ONE!
Ordering a bottle asks this one crazy thing of you!
Which, if you’ve spent any amount of time on Hinge, Zillow, Letterboxd, Substack, Resy, Spotify, or you are a human person living in 2026, is becoming an increasingly radical act.
Be the decider! Self-appoint. Commit without consensus, workshop or back-up plan!
Picking one thing and sticking to it for an hour with these here folks. And turn into your tiny civilization at this outdoor table or cozy booth.
The Pourer pours. “I wasn’t planning on really drinking” and mysteriously has three glasses. Fries ordered. “And we should really get the chicken piccata, it’s an institution!” “Okay before you tell us the rest of this story, should we get another bottle?”
And sure, maybe this is all just me romanticizing alcohol as a social enhancer. But, respectfully, a latte could never. And if ancient civilizations, your friend’s friend, your date, and three women unpacking a seven-word text have all independently arrived at the same technology for hanging out... who am I to argue with 13,000 years of research?
Kickball!!
Hahaha I love this piece so much. As an Australian, we (or at least, here in South Australia) are definitely more of a by-the-bottle culture and it's great and always works out for the exact reasons you point out.